*Sigh* The ghosts are haunting me again...

(Nobody can ever tell me how to be happy or if i should be happy with what I am now. I shall find my happiness my own way and my own way alone. )

Just because you think that your happiness lies in someone else doesn't mean that u're using that person. I'm not contented... what can I do? No one can impose on me to be contented because I'm not...

I know my road to fulfillment and I take the road that God gave me. I dont make my own road and pretend that I'm really fulfilled and contented. I consult to him with His signs and see if i'm forgiven... Nobody really understands... If only they have seen what i did back then...

It's not loneliness... I now realized that it's actually insecurity. I started feeling this at the first time that I failed on love and I kept on feeling this over and over again... 4 times. Sometimes, I woudl ask myself, "I'm not good enough?". I always ask this because all I am is a... friend... I can never be good enough for anyone... this is the loneliness that I feel...

Before, I was contented... I was happy and complete. But I was also dreaming of true love. Every romanticist desired to live in a stable relationship and have a partner to take care for the rest of their life. And I was a romanticist from birth...

All of them see me only as a friend... I can never be good enough to be loved deeply... I dont have the good looks or the impressive musical ability or good singing voice or even athletic talent... I'm just a guy with a large capacity to love truly... and all i have are my words... words that are inferior compared to other romanticist... So, in reality, all I really have is my heart...

it's not that I don't appreciate being a friend... It's just so sad... to be pinned down into something that you know isn't enough.

This is my insecurity... this is my flaw... and I have to live with it because it is my negator that makes me human...

For all those who are hurling insults at me, pour you're MOUTH out, I dont care... shove your words up your spine and Burn in hell...