Chains might soon break
Death I always anticipate
Then into oblivion I shall lunge
Please, silence before I plunge...

The most painful state of living is remembering the future... the future that shall never happen

In a split second, a single decision could just turn your life around. From a car accident down to the simplest choice. In a single glimpse of an eye, your life could suddenly make a sharp turn, a detour, or maybe even a cliff fall... Be careful...

P.S. Metal is very hard... do not bump your head on it.

I wish I can be of help...
I wish I can provide support
I wish i can be there to give advice right now
I wish I can be I wasn't sooo f**cked up

Damn, I need to myself also. I should think my whole life through first...

Well, finals are finally over and my friends are relaxing.. Good job guys... congratulations for going through Hell and surviving...:D

that's my cue to rest now... I am now literally our of jobs. Hahaha. Must find something to do, must distract self from idle moments...

I couldn't dare to rest and relax while my friends are up until 4am doing their final papers. I feel that it just wasn't right.. and it wasn't fair. So the least I could do was to offer my services in anything I can do to help:D and I'm proud to say that I did manage to help some:D

*Although there are some papers that really did not go out well (Sorry Lyn T_T)*

Summer is now here and I have to find something to do... Don't have any plans anyway... hmmm Dota anyone?:D

Must find something to do... must not think of revenge... must get the bitterness out of me... damn

Revenge? Vengeance? Why am I so obsessed with it these days? I don't know... and it's not because Illin kept on calling me V for Vendetta (long story).

It's bubbling inside me now... I could think of so many people whom I want to have revenge with. I don't want to cover my ears and close my eyes anymore as my ghosts swirl around me as they stab me with their shrieks. I want to fight back... I want to take control... I want to give back the pain that they have inflicted upon me.

Maybe I'm just so tired of pain... I don't want to get hurt anymore but reality check: Pain is a part of life. I know I know, but I'm so sick and tired of people always putting me down... I will fight back... No more martyr, no more passiveness...

God, you will not punish me anymore...

Is love the flash of a fancy car?
Is love the voice of a vocalist or strum of a guitar?
Is love the hip moves of dance?
Is love the acting in a play?
Is love the handsome face or flex of a muscle?
Is love the acthletic ability of an athlete?

What about the love in one's heart? Isn't it important anymore?
What about the simple person whose only talent is to love truly?

Will he just be a "friend"?

Only God knows...

Mga kailangan upang magmahal:
Magarang kotse at mukhang makapal.
Suot na alahas o cellphone namahal
Guwapong mukha at makisig na katawan
Buhok na maganda at magarang kasuotan
Husay sa pag-awit at hilig sa pagsayaw
Talento sa pag-arte at husay ng galaw
Magarang sapatos at pitakang puno
Matang singkit o lahing kano
Malaking bahay at mataas na suweldo
Ngunit paano na ang pagmamahal sa puso?


(Worst poem ever >_<)

From this day forth, I am not a tortured soul anymore...

I have discovered my vengeful side, right there when I chose to leave... I decided that nobody will hurt me anymore... Anyone who inflicts pain upon me shall suffer... I will not let any wrongdoings upon me slip by without punishment...

For all those who said bad things about me, You can shove your words up your spine and Burn in Hell!!!

But this does not mean that I am eliminating forgiveness in my vocabulary...

It's nice to know that people still appreciate you because of the help that you're willing to give despite of your shortcomings and mistakes...

It's nice to know that you have value and you can still be of use...

It feels nice for people to say thank you...

And it's nice to know that despite you're black past, some people who knew were willing to forget about it and wouldn't think less of you even though you told them the WHOLE naked truth.

The pain is still here, but it feels nice to forget about it even for a few minutes...

Your Candy Heart Says "Marry Me"

For you, love is serious business. You don't take dating lightly. And even if you haven't met the right person, getting married is something you expect to do soon. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic picnic in the park Your flirting style: subtle and calculating What turns you off: short term flings Why you're hot: you're a hopeless romantic with each new relationship

Can't really blame a person for loving too much..

If it is a mortal sin to love with all your heart, then I will welcome hell with open arms.

Please give me something to do until summer classes...

I dont want to write about sadness and loneliness anymoe but that's all I can write about right now.

Never in the dark shall I again dwell
Never will my life be hell
Never will I be imposed in a cell
And selfish I am, they will always tell
Because fo the happiness that I sought
So pain is what they brought
Good enough I will never be
But the standards of men mean nothing to me

But the pain shall never go away
And pathetic I am, is what they'll say
But simpleton and narrowminded are they
Here in my reality I choose to stay
And my dreams shall keep them at bay
To make their insults go away
Oh Spring Wind, come if you may

But whatever I do,
My heart shall always be with you
You'll always be the love that I knew
The love that has always been true

*Sigh* The ghosts are haunting me again...

(Nobody can ever tell me how to be happy or if i should be happy with what I am now. I shall find my happiness my own way and my own way alone. )

Just because you think that your happiness lies in someone else doesn't mean that u're using that person. I'm not contented... what can I do? No one can impose on me to be contented because I'm not...

I know my road to fulfillment and I take the road that God gave me. I dont make my own road and pretend that I'm really fulfilled and contented. I consult to him with His signs and see if i'm forgiven... Nobody really understands... If only they have seen what i did back then...

It's not loneliness... I now realized that it's actually insecurity. I started feeling this at the first time that I failed on love and I kept on feeling this over and over again... 4 times. Sometimes, I woudl ask myself, "I'm not good enough?". I always ask this because all I am is a... friend... I can never be good enough for anyone... this is the loneliness that I feel...

Before, I was contented... I was happy and complete. But I was also dreaming of true love. Every romanticist desired to live in a stable relationship and have a partner to take care for the rest of their life. And I was a romanticist from birth...

All of them see me only as a friend... I can never be good enough to be loved deeply... I dont have the good looks or the impressive musical ability or good singing voice or even athletic talent... I'm just a guy with a large capacity to love truly... and all i have are my words... words that are inferior compared to other romanticist... So, in reality, all I really have is my heart...

it's not that I don't appreciate being a friend... It's just so sad... to be pinned down into something that you know isn't enough.

This is my insecurity... this is my flaw... and I have to live with it because it is my negator that makes me human...

For all those who are hurling insults at me, pour you're MOUTH out, I dont care... shove your words up your spine and Burn in hell...

The Day of the Month number is also sometimes referred to as
the Personality or Character number. This number is strongly
associated with the Life Path number, which if you will
recall is composed of all of the letters of your full birth
name.

As this number reveals your personality traits and
characteristic behaviors it can mitigate negative aspects of
your life path number or enhance them.

For instance if you are a number one Life Path Number with a
Number 1 Birth Date number you might be a little too much
for others to take at times as you would be especially
arrogant or self centered. However if you were a Life Path
One with a Birth Date number of Nine your arrogance may
somewhat be tempered by the humble, self sacrificing nature
of number nines.

To calculate this number, simply take the digit that refers
to the day you were born. For instance I was born was June
7, 1960. My Day of the Month number is 7.

Here is a list of the dominant personality traits that are
revealed by your birth date number.

1

Positive Traits: determination, self-confidence, will power,
dignity, and originality
Negative Traits: stubbornness, willfulness, over-
sensitivity, arrogance, lack of foresight

2

Positive Traits: empathetic, compassionate, intuitive,
loving, understanding
Negative Traits: insecurity, nervous, self-conscious, needy,
moody

3

Positive Traits: adaptable, resilient, charismatic,
communicative, persuasive
Negative Traits: cynicism, irresponsibility, superficiality,
overbearing, promiscuity

4

Positive Traits: organized, perceptive, disciplined,
balanced, just
Negative Traits: obsessive, compulsive, tyrannical,
demanding, incommunicative

5

Positive Traits: cooperative, versatile, curious, clever,
and analytical
Negative Traits: flippancy, sarcastic, restless,
irresponsibility, passive-aggressive

6

Positive Traits: kind, generous, honest, trustworthy,
responsible
Negative Traits: manipulative, a gossip, presumptive,
codependency, controlling

7

Positive Traits: intelligent, ethical, analytical,
photographic memory, intuitive
Negative Traits: overly introverted, eccentric,
uncommunicative, selfishness, cynicism

8

Positive Traits: pragmatism, optimism, idealism, stamina,
good judgement
Negative Traits: greed, obsessive, careless, controlling,
thoughtless

9

Positive traits: tolerant, compassionate, idealistic,
sensitive, sympathetic
Negative Traits: bad judgement, immorality, delusional,
arrogance, bitterness

10

Positive Traits: proactive, positive attitude, energetic,
ability, originality
Negative Traits: hasty, sloppy, bossy, ingratitude,
overbearing

11

Positive Traits: imaginative, idealistic, persuasive,
spiritual, intuitive
Negative Traits: procrastination, sloth, sarcastic,
laziness, temperamental

12

Positive Traits: energetic, enthusiastic, generous,
charismatic, visionary
Negative Traits: selfishness, unfocused, impracticality,
irresponsibility, fanatical

13

Positive Traits: sincerity, honesty, determination, stamina,
detailed
Negative Traits: workaholic, repression, resentful,
intolerance, compulsive

14

Positive Traits: cooperative, versatile, organized,
analytical, curious
Negative Traits: impatience, restlessness, rebellious,
irresponsible, breaking promises

15

Positive Traits: nurturing, domestic, understanding,
artistic, and generous
Negative Traits: codependency, resistance to change,
stubborn, manipulative, needy

16

Positive Traits: technically brilliant, innovative,
creative, analytical, original
Negative Traits: emotional repression, misanthropy,
irrational, cynicism, coldness

17

Positive Traits: optimistic, organized, pragmatic, shrewd,
good business sense
Negative Traits: lack of follow through, shallow, self-
conscious, materialistic, greedy

18

Positive Traits: creative, humanitarian, philanthropic,
generous, broad-minded
Negative Traits: drama queen, codependency, martyr complex,
fickle, low-self-esteem

19

Positive Traits: leadership, self-confidence, charisma,
vitality, and enthusiasm
Negative Traits: arrogance, selfishness, over-confidence,
flippancy, rebellious

20

Positive Traits: humorous, sympathetic, charming,
affectionate, imaginative
Negative Traits: sarcasm, self-pity, critical, unrealistic,
irrational expectation

21

Positive Traits: versatile, energetic, easygoing,
charismatic, good conversationalist
Negative Traits: scattered focus, restlessness, overly
sensitive, glib, unreliability

22

Positive Traits: idealism, pragmatism, creativity,
ingenuity, and intuition
Negative Traits: rigidity, nervousness, workaholic,
stubborn, fanatical

23

Positive Traits: charm, wit, charisma, inquisitiveness,
persuasive
Negative Traits: restlessness, impatience, easily bored,
shallow, disloyalty

24

Positive Traits: diplomacy, team-player, affection, just,
loving
Negative Traits: self-pity, obsessive, workaholic,
smothering, fearful

25

Positive Traits: logical, intuitive, rational, responsible,
perfectionist
Negative traits: inflexibility, paranoia, introversion,
misanthropy, obsessive

26

Positive Traits: sociable, cooperative, charming,
efficient, ambitious
Negative Traits: manipulative, shallow, materialistic,
greedy, exaggerates things

27

Positive Traits: humanistic, philosophical, broadminded,
tolerant, and generous
Negative traits: nervous, linear thinker easily frustrated,
stubborn, fanatical

28

Positive Traits: a leader, will power, self-confidence,
originality, and stamina
Negative Traits: cold, unfeeling, workaholic, domineering,
obsessive

29

Positive Traits: idealistic, creative, intuitive, analytic,
a "people person"
Negative Traits: lack of follow through, pessimism, self-
indulgent, unrealistic, impractical.

30

Positive Traits: charisma, wit, mimicry, writing ability,
expressiveness
Negative Traits: self-centered, drama queen, lack of focus,
dreaminess, laziness

31

Positive Traits: energetic, dependable, reliable,
perceptive, detail oriented
Negative Traits: unimaginative, overly serious, over-
sensitivity, insecurity, compulsive

Quoting a friend of a friend: "If he loves, he'll know what to do..."

Hmm, I do love you and I know what to do. Actually I did... I'm leaving you becoz I know that i'm just not good enough. You'll just be better off without me... It's all or none for me you know? Call me unfair or selfish I dont care becoz u can ust shove it up your spine. I wont listen.

They called me Pigheaded and self-centered. Understandable... But I know myself more than anyone and no one can predict me... and no one can degrade me so shove it up your spines also.

Oh and thanks for remembering my birthday but I wasn't expecting a greeting from you anymore...

But I am not acting stupidly... they just dont understand how I think...

Forget about me and lighten your load... You'll be better off with them as you played DOTA.

But im still not convinced that you're over them already. Read our blog and get ready to eat your words... even quoted that u were possessed by an evil spirit while at YFC Camp and that's how u realized na u shud get opver him. A lot of BULL...

I'll try to get over you and I WILL... Goodbye...

Nowadays... True Love isn't just enough anymore..

If you love a girl, it's just not enough to proclaim you're undying love for and your promise to take care of her for life. You have to sell it with something that can be displayed like good looks, impressive musical ability (like singing) or maybe great athletic skills. You have to show something to prove that you're worthy. It's normal these days, but if you look at the bigger picture, it's kinda tragic... and i experienced the setbacks first hand...

Your Inner Blood Type is Type A

You seem cool and collected, though a bit shy. You are highly driven and a perfectionist, but that's a side you keep to yourself. Creative and artistic, you are a very unique person who doesn't quite fit in. People accept you more than you realize, seeing you as trustworthy and loyal. You are most compatible with: A and AB Famous Type A's: Britney Spears and Hilter

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy. You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts. People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused. But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything. You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life. You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace. You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life. Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you. You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others. You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

You Are Sunshine

Soothing and calm You are often held up by others as the ideal But too much of you, and they'll get burned You are best known for: your warmth Your dominant state: connecting

Your Birthdate: March 6

You tend to be a the rock in relationships - people depend on you. Thoughtful and caring, you often put others needs first. You aren't content to help those you know... you want to give to the world. An idealist, you strive for positive change and dream about how much better things could be. Your strength: Your intuition Your weakness: You put yourself last Your power color: Rose Your power symbol: Cloud Your power month: June

Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking
You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal.You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk.

You should major in:Philosophy
Music
Theology
Art
History
Foreign
language

Your Personality Is
Idealist (NF)You are a passionate, caring, and unique person.You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals.You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily.Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings.You seek out other empathetic people to befriend.Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships.In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily.At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career.With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone.As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style.On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours.

http://www.blogthings.com/threequestionpersonalitytest/

OK... reality check:

You can call me selfish, u can call me hasty, and u can call me a pigheaded guy but YOU NEVER EVER SAY THAT MY FRIENDS ARE BACKSTABBING YOU!!!!

You can hurl any insults at my direction and I'll gladly take them because I know my mistakes and I know what I'm doing is wrong but NEVER EVER SAY THAT MY FRIENDS ARE ALL GANGING UP ON YOU!!!!

DAMN IT!!!

Ok, so I'm broadcasting... but this is my blog and I can write anything... and they're my friends for crying out loud, I can tell them anything... BUT THEY NEVER GANGED UP ON YOU!!!

At this point, I dont care anymore... Call me selfish, call me hasty, call me whatever you think of me... I dont care... so take your words and shove it up your spine...

I'm sorry if it had to be like this... People are different... and I know that most of this is my fault...

I'm going to take a break for awhile... try to find myself in the real world... I've been submerged in my dream world for so long that I eventually lost the ability to distinguish between fantasy and reality...

Absolute Boy was right... whenever we feel that we don't belong in this world, we create our own. And my world has evolved so much that I hardly care for this real world anymore... in my dream world, I am GOD and I can twist it according to my will...

But I must get out and see the real world again... snap back into reality and open my eyes again, be reborn for the 2nd time.

However, the fact that I'm still shutting myself from my former world is still here... I will detach myself from a piece of my history and rewrite it again... start over... and I wont let anyone tell me that I'm wrong or selfish or hasty or anything that they want to hurl at me... insult me until your last breath, go ahead. But remember that your words will only land on deaf ears. I dont care anymore... I just dont...

It was my birthday yesterday and so much has happened. Too many mistakes have been committed but I learned through them... And now, I hope I can present myself as a new man now... I hope I can still be the gentleman that you always trusted, the friend you always confided, and the wall who protected you... I promise that I wont rush you anymore or complain whenever I think that you're ignoring me...

But still remember that night after the finals... the cold night wind and the single star that bore witness as I poured my heart out... Please, I want to be a new man again. I wish you can see me as one... Here are my promises...

My 10 Resolutions

10. Lessen Dota addiction
9. Immerse self in extra-curricular activities
8. Start praying and go to church
7. Cut down on starbucks
6. Stop being selfish
5. Stop being hasty
4. Start practicing on being numb
3. Study Harder
2. Help my UA&P friends
1. Stop immersing self in self-pity

It was my birthday yesterday. However, for some unknown reason, it just didn't feel like it... I don't know... Maybe it's because of the emptiness that I feel inside brought about by the pain of... u know who u are... Some birthday huh? Didn't know that imaginary friends could really hurt sooooooo much.

Sometimes, I just feel like a bad luck absorber. Nothing ever comes out right anymore. Whenever I dream of something, it never happens. Dont give me that bullshit about actions, I strive my butt off but it just doesn't happen.

But no. Regardless of the pain inside me, I have to move on. Too much is at stake here and I wont let any imaginary friend ruin me by rejection and imposing attitude. But Im no cursing you, dont worry. You just lied to me you know? You made me feel a LOT more insecure than I already did. But I wont curse you... I wont go down that level... instead, I'll just wish that yo'll be happy with them because they're you're bestfriends anyway. Not me. Im only you're bestfriend when we're texing or talking on the phone. But whenever we're with them, it's like I disappear... as I've always said, "ANG BESTFRIEND, HINDI NASASAPAWAN NG IBANG FRIENDS. KAHIT NA KASAMA NIYO BARKADA NIYO, HINDI MO SIYA HAHAYAANG MALEFT OUT BY STICKING WITH YOUR ******** 'EX'-CRUSH"(Take note, "ex-crush"... YEAH RIGHT AND YOU TOLD ME NA U GOT OVER YOU'RE LAST BESTFRIEND. TELL IT TO SOMEONE MORE GULLIBLE AND STUPID) Damn it... I have to stop...


If it wasn't for the girls it would have been a very shity day. Thanks a lot girls of UA&P (especially Gucci who was with me all the time), I really appreciate it>:D<. Thanks for making me laugh:D Oh and Mikko too who called me pa to greet me hehe naks:D

P.S Didn't know imaginary friends cud hurt so much... ouch...

Give away a thousand gold
Even a million if you're so bold
Donate a few riches a day
But be careful when you give your heart away

Part awat rubies and diamonds
Send them in bags or hordes
Even send a welcome note if you may
But don't part your heart away

Look at a few fair maidens
Even marvel at the sight of angels
But never flirt and never play
Don't just give your heart away

Know the person as you spake
Never assume, never anticipate
Be watchful of whatever you say
Connect, before you give your heart away

Control yourself when you think you'll fall
Don't rush by giving your all
Step back, keep emotions at bay
Think twice, before your give your heart away

And when in TRUE love, you hopelessly fell
Only two destinations: Heaven or Hell
Heaven if you pass, hell if you fail
You gamble, when you give your heart away

If it is heaven and all goes well
Your future will be the altar and the church bells
Praise the Lord, to Him you pray
Be thankful, because you gave yor heart away

But if it is hell and in love you fail
Your heart will burn and your soul shall wail
Pain and tears is what you'll pay
All because you gave your heart away

But suffer not with cries a plenty
For Spring Wind shall come and reuvenate thee
After the price of heartbreak has been paid
Again, you can give your heart away