All my life, I have awaited for the arrival of the Spring Wind...

I am a tree, completely devoid of life. Ravaged by the harsh winter wind with its cold, swift blows. My leaves shiver around the chill of the eternal loneliness brought by the harsh tempest. My branches, completey frozen and unable to do anything but support the leaves and my body, completely subdued by the cold atmosphere... I am a a lonely figure standing in this void in the midst of a harsh winter, enduring the chill of loneliness that creates a cold and cruel atmosphere, torturing my body. But I must remember what I am, a tree and I can do nothing but provide shade to my loved ones and protect them against the burning hot sun. At least by doing this, a small flicker of happiness remains and so, I survive. All I can do with my pain is to scream deep inside and curse the darkness that has took a hold on me. I am powerless against the chills. The only choice I have is to wait for the Spring Wind to banish the harsh winter wind...

But then, after waiting for what seemed like an eternity, it came... but it was different than what I expected. I thought that she was immediately going to save me from the cold and rejuvenate my leaves to bring me back to my former glory. But no, she didn't. All she did was watch me while I shiver and I don't even know if she felt pity back then. But then, when she took action I realized something... The Spring Wind was not a life saver but an Arbiter, a Judge. The Void that I've been standing on was a courtroom and I've been waiting for the Judge to sentence me. And so, she sentenced me to complete the ordeal of time which means I will have to linger in the darkness and in the cold...again. But this time, I cannot look for another source of light. I must endure the cold and the darkness. The Spring Wind was trying to test me. She wanted to test my loyalty and faithulness to her... and so, this is my situation. I have to wait a little more longer and linger here for a bit but now I know that all this pain will have a purpose in the end... And the session ended and she left me with her last words, "We'll see"

Ok, this is my second post for the day and again, it's about my thoughts... (it's all metaphors so it might not make sense)

Am I really meant to be alone? Am I merely a tool of God to help people in their personal problems? Is it really His will for me to be alone so I can concentrate in doing my work?

This thought of mine has alrady received countless rejection in the past but I still hold on to it because the evidences are just too loud and clear...
Everytime I try to get my own happiness, something always turns up and then... I fail. But I always move on, get on with my life, and then wait for another opportunity. But everytime I try y luck, it's just no good... I always fail in the end. I've been through a few relationships but none of them are normal and I'd rather be single than stay there. Oh how i envy my friends and classmates...
But then, right now, the most obvious evidence just came to me all of a sudden. It's like God just pinned me down in this place and told me to stay there and don't wander around your duty anymore. And to make it weirder, I liked it here... yes, I liked the place where The Mighty Smiter pinned me on. For me, it's not a prison, it's actually a place where I really belong. Well, sure it's not perfect and it's not exactly the way I like it but the sun told me that someday, it might be, we just have to go with the flow... But no, I'm not hoping anymore, but I don't want to move on even though others assured me that there's a better place for me out there and they even offered their help. But I refused all of them. I'd rather be here than any place else. Well, sure, it's not perfect and occasionally, thorns prick my very heart and soul but this is where I belong and I don't want to move on. Yes, I DON'T WANT TO MOVE ON, and I WILL NOT MOVE ON. Mikko, you think I'm not serious?? Well, I'll show you and you'll see!!

It's really funny how a resolution and a promise got out of hand and became your way of life...

I was in the taxi a while ago then suddenly, i was drowned in my thoughts again. It's funny how a promise made two years ago just got out of hand and became my way of life. It shaped my whole world and then gave me a reputation and a mission in one year. Well, the mission and reputation was triggered by a person I talked with at ym but that's where it all started. Then after that, time became a haze... I suddenly changed into this huge eye that watches over everyone I know and I always try to monitor them and see if everything's ok. I established myself as someone you can talk with about anything, even you're deepest darkest secret and in exchange for that trust is a solemn oath that it will never reach the ears of anyone else. But however, we all know that too much of anything is bad. Virtue lies in the middle. So sometimes, I get out of hand... so i back off if I'm not wanted... it's ok, you can't please everyone right? So if anyone thinks I'm too nosey, my apologies...

Hey, it;s been awhile!! Hehe. Ok, due to popular demand, my blog is now updated hahahaha. Well, a lot has happened since my last post. I don't even know where to start. Actually, I was really supposed to update my blog I think about three or four weeks ago. I was supposed to post my latest entry but I decided that it would be best if I just delete it. My reason? Too corny and too dramatic. It's about the death of our batchmate Carl Vincent Palma (no, that's not the corny part) and how uncertain our lives are and how much we take it for granted. Hehehe. It's best if you don't read it.

By the way, 've been planning to start a diary but I just have no time or maybe I'm just too lazy.

Anyway, these past few days for me are kinda strange... Well, first of all, I'm beginning to hate it when I idle around. Well, when I linger around and do nothing, thoughts and emotions just storm together in a chaotic manner in my head resulting to heartburn (or heartache), paranoia, and not to mention anger which delivers me in a bad mood. Strange huh?
Another thing is, I feel that I'm losing my writer's touch. Maybe I'm just out of practice and not to mention I've been playing PS2 a little bit too much lately. I tried to write a poem the other night at home and yesterday at starbucks but I just couldn't make anything good. It;'s either boring, senseless, or just plain terrible. Well, I guess I'm gonna have to get another notebook, practice and start rhyming and dramatazing again:P
And finally, I've been getting these a lot since last wee. I don't know why but I've been having nightmares lately... A LOT, not to mention their disturbing effect on me. San Beda in ruins, Raffy with a knife stabbed on his shoulder but still alive and well, and me in a desert with no hope for survival are some of the nightmarss that I had. I know it's not really that scary for you but I swear, if you're in my shoes right now, you'd be struggling right now.
Good thing these nightmares aren't consistent every night or else I would've gone bonkers already... hmm, I know it's against my principles but I think I'll write something about these nightmares. that'll help me relax:)

Ok. Change topic. Marc and Chiqui are now officially a couple. Hahaha. I knew it was inevitable. So many delays in the past but it just couldn't be stopped. Hehehe. Marc and Chiqui are now officially on. Looks like another pronoun has been added in my vocabulary, Marc and Chiqui. It's not Marc or Chiqui anymore... it's Marc and Chiqui!! Hahahaha!! Oh I'm sorry, I'm just so happy. Not to mention I was literally jumping for joy after a big meal at Chili's. Chiqui really knows her timing huh?:P

Well, that's it. Actually, I don't know what else to write and I've been itching to play Warcraft since morning. So I'll just organize my thoughts some other time and write it here.